


oh god it's you that i lie with

by kuude_rest



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Despair, First Kiss, Hope, Hurt, M/M, Memory Loss, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre Killing Game, Prequel, Spoilers, Towa City, kamukoma - Freeform, loss of memories, self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuude_rest/pseuds/kuude_rest
Summary: Izuru tells Servant about his plan to remove his memories before the killing game begins, and Komaeda wrestles with the knowledge that he's about to lose the one person who his hope doesn't affect.
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Servant
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	oh god it's you that i lie with

“...What do you mean?” His voice is small, like his entire world is breaking apart. “You’re joking, right? This… This is… Just to cause me despair, right? You just… Want me to feel worse than I already do, so… So it’s… Not really true, right?”

Izuru stares at Komaeda with indifference, tilting his head at him. “I know what you want to hear,” he says quietly.

Of course he knew - he could read Komaeda, like he could read anyone, as plain as day. He could tell that Komaeda - no,  _ Servant _ , didn’t actually fall into despair like his classmates had. He’d always been surrounded by it, it hung around him like a thick blanket of smoke, forever obscuring the world around him as his luck drew him to worse and worse fates. 

“But I won’t tell you that.” Izuru finally finishes, his gaze empty as Servant clings to the front of his suit, lithe fingers gripping at the fabric with desperation. 

“Please, you…” His eyes grow wide. “You can’t… You can’t just,” his knuckles grow whiter still as he pulls Izuru closer to him. “You can’t just… Walk away from me, that’s… That’s not  _ fair _ , you… You’re the only one who… Shares the same talent as someone like me, you…”

“I can, and I will.” Izuru states, unmoving. 

“But this isn’t… This is supposed to be  _ different _ , because you’re like me, aren’t you? You’re… You can’t just leave, forget  _ me… _ ” Tears form in his eyes as his face twists into a frown. “You’d really just… Leave me to watch you do this, leave me to remember you, remember how I  _ feel  _ and… Walk away from me?”

“Don’t start,” he warned. “I know you’re itching to tell me how worthless you feel you are. That won’t change the fact that this is necessary for what is to come,” Izuru moves a hand to brush a hair from Servant’s face.

It was an odd gesture, affectionate, almost. They’d spent a lot of time together as despair had fallen onto the world. Izuru had gotten bored - Junko’s plan had gone accordingly, as he’d thought it would. And the planet rotted away as those inhabiting it gave up on hope just as quickly as they’d fallen slave to monotony. So Izuru wandered the planet as he had nothing else to do - waiting for the Future Foundation to engage in their plan to ‘bring back hope’, and eventually settled down in Towa City, watching silently as the Warriors of Hope wreaked havoc on the unsuspecting adults who seldom tried to fight back. 

That’s when Izuru laid eyes on Komaeda, or rather, Servant, for the second time in his existence. He remembered the first - he’d tried to kill him. Luck had been on both their sides and it seemed that Servant hadn’t quite forgotten their encounter even amidst the despair that had just blanketed itself heavier over the frail man. 

“This isn’t about you.” He states. “Or rather, it’s not about  _ us _ .” Izuru’s hand drifts down his face, before he lets it fall to his side. “It’s about the Future.” Hope ignored the way Servant leaned into his touch, and purposefully left his explanation vague. 

Servant just shakes his head, his gaze growing almost cold. “Of course it’s not. Why should I stop you?” The grip on his blazer falters as his head falls to Izuru’s chest, Servant’s breaths heavy. “How could I even… Think I have the right to?”

Izuru is silent.

“I can’t… I know it’s not right of me to say those things. To think that way. I know it’s selfish… To even… You’re  _ right _ , Izuru.” His voice is soft, his fists unballing and laying flat on his chest instead. “I apologise. I ought to consider my thoughts before I get emotional over something that won’t affect me.” 

The sun sets in the distance, an inky red filling the skies as it’s fading rays shimmer through the dilapidated buildings. Smoke whirls through the air, Izuru’s gaze falling to the clouds. 

“When will you forget?” Komaeda finally asked, after what felt like a millennium of silence. 

“...I predict that whatever will occur will be within a week at best.” Izuru’s gaze befalls Servant once more as he pulls away from him, standing straight. 

“I see.”

“Why does this bother you?” He finally asked. Izuru knew the answer. It wasn’t hard to understand, but even so. It  _ felt _ different hearing it. 

Servant mulls over his words, the look in his eyes distant. “I don’t know.” He settles on.

“You don’t have to lie.” Izuru’s voice is calm, fingers idly touching Servant’s chain. It’s cool to the touch, and heavier than Servant would ever care to admit. “I know how you feel.”

“You… Know.” Servant repeated. “I… Really can’t hide anything from you,” he chuckled nervously, looking away from him. “Was it… Was it my outburst that gave it away?” The questioning is pointless; though he’s desperately trying to divert the attention elsewhere - hoping that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t have to talk about this anymore. 

“I knew already.” He replies as Servant’s attention draws back to him. “I could tell when the thought first blossomed in your chest.”

“Then why wouldn’t you…” The Servant stops abruptly. “ _ Oh _ .” His voice is so small, barely above a whisper. “I see…” Servant tries to step away, finally coming to a realisation as his heart aches; but Izuru stops him, pulling on the chain and dragging him down to his height again, noses barely touching.

“You misunderstand me.” Izuru Kamukura’s grip on his chain loosens, but Servant stays this time, holding his breath. “I did not pursue your feelings because it wasn’t appropriate considering our current relationship, and our positions.”

“Our… Positions?” His voice is still but a whisper, as though waiting with bated breath as to hear what Izuru says. It’s exceedingly difficult not to sound upset, or disappointed, but if Izuru notices, he never points it out.

“I will proceed to remove my memories of you,” and everyone else’s memories of one another, but he refrains to say that, “there is no point in engaging in something so short lived when the outcome will never change.”

Servant shakes his head earnestly, and their noses bump together. “That’s true, but even so— as selfish as it is… That’s why… So… Perhaps even if it’s just… For a short while, it… Doesn’t have to  _ feel _ like that. Even if you were to love someone like myself, even if it would only be for a week, why… Why wouldn’t you do it? If it… Felt good in the moment, why… Refrain?”

“I don’t feel anything, Komaeda.” Servant jolts at the use of his name, eyes widening. “My mind is too preoccupied with everything else to focus on emotional pursuits.”

He feels so stupid for always getting his hopes up. For being so hopeful - to fall straight back into despair once more. To keep falling for the same tricks, to let himself be so foolish as to think that someone, anyone would want him as much as he wanted someone else. 

Servant frowns, looking down at the ground. Neither move, as Izuru analyzes the situation. Calculates it. And then decides to do the unpredictable, because he knows that Komaeda doesn’t expect it; knows that it’s the one thing he’d wanted, but couldn’t initiate himself. 

Tilting his head back up so that Servant is looking at Izuru, he leans forward and places a chaste kiss on his lips, and Servant can’t help but  _ gasp _ ; fingers reaching to grasp at Izuru’s blazer lightly. When Izuru pulled away, Servant looks starstruck, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

“ _ Why…? _ ” 

Izuru fights the unconscious urge to raise an eyebrow at Servant. “Why? It is what you wanted, no?” He replied cooly, not breaking their distance. “If it is as you say, and I won’t remember anything, why would I not?”

“You’re so cruel…” Servant murmured, pulling him in close again to kiss him once more. He kisses him as though he’d never get the chance to again, though for all he knew, he wouldn’t again. When he pulls away again, his face is flushed, and his eyes are almost glassy. “You can’t - you can’t just  _ read _ me like that… It’s not fair when - when I can’t even tell what you’re thinking…”

Hope tilts his head at him, trailing a finger over his chin before letting him go entirely, stepping away despite Servant’s desire for him to  _ stay _ . 

“You wouldn’t find many of my thoughts interesting,” Izuru lies smoothly, aware of how he’d feel if he did. “And as I said, I do not have the same emotional capacity as you do. My mind is focused entirely on the events of the future.” It was so easy to lie to him, for there were no tells - nothing that gave him away. Truthfully, he considered the future if he didn’t rid himself of his memories and took Servant away with him to avoid the repercussions of the Future Foundation. But even though he knew that there was a possibility that they’d remain anonymous and hidden away from them; they would find them both eventually, and the plan would fall apart. 

The man deflated, his eyes downcast. “I know. You remind me every time I see you,” Servant reaches for him again, but Izuru is out of his reach. “Will you let me see you before you-” 

“Yes.” Izuru promises. His promises aren’t to be taken lightly - Hope was a man of his word. Even if he were busy making preparations, it wasn’t like he couldn’t  _ make _ time for Servant. And he would. “I will come and find you before I take my leave, Servant.” He doesn’t give anything away about the future, his words clear cut and concise. 

Servant watches as Izuru walked away, wrapping his arms around himself. His eyes look utterly  _ hopeless _ . How cruel of him, to… Behave like that and then tell him that he feels nothing emotionally. How…  _ Despairingly hopeless.  _ But that was just Izuru, that was just the fate that life had given Servant. And at least he knew he’d see him again, before his world would change, unbeknownst to him.

Unknowing that he’d see him again. In another body, in another world, in another time. And this time, it’d be different. It wouldn’t be unrequited.

**Author's Note:**

> IDK HOW TO TAG THINGS BUT I'VE BEEN ON A REAL /THINKING ABOUT KAMUKOMA/ TRAIN LATELY anyways i hope u enjoy , , , feel free to drop me a comment n i'll try and respond :)


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